Over the past month or so, I had pain on my nose, then on my upper lip. These sites were associated with cold sores. Over the past 10 days, the pain has moved and is being triggered again in my mouth, especially when I eat. The painful spots are on the gumline on both sides of my upper teeth. When the pain breaks through, it throbs and includes my lower right tooth where I had gum graft surgery in January, 2011.

I saw an oral medicine specialist last week who diagnosed me with atypical odontalgia, or ‘phantom tooth pain.’ He told me that he didn’t think that the MS was related to the pain. I wrote an e-mail to him on September 15:

I am inclined to think that my pain is from the MS — however; you are the expert! I would be ecstatic to find that it was not connected to the MS but nothing else makes sense to me, unless a herpes simplex virus attack can induce this pain.

I had been hopeful that it was another sinus infection. I saw Dr. Javer briefly yesterday. Unfortunately, there was no infection. Funny that I had hoped for an infection — at least it would be treatable! He said all of my sinuses look good and healthy.

I started taking nerve pain drugs last week again. I am also using a topical ointment that the oral medicine specialist prescribed for me to numb the sensitive spots in my mouth. The drugs constipate me and the sensitive spots in my mouth are worse. The pain must be originating in my trigeminal nerve at the pons, the part of the brainstem where the trigeminal nerve originates.

I can’t stop crying. I am sinking into a deep depression. I am very lonely.

Last night, Daniel and I went to a surprise party for my dear friend Paul. He was also retiring from the B.C. Regiment in his role as their ‘Padre’. Paul has had a remarkable life — so far — and I was honoured to be included as one of his friends at this most special celebration. Paul has a knack for knowing when I need support and mysteriously appears at the door for a cup of tea. I was having a hard time thinking of how to describe him when I thought I should google him — I found his self description on a blog — although he doesn’t mention his musical skills.

Mm… what am I? — A husband to Mary and father to our five young adults; a TBI (traumatic brain injury) survivor; a pastor – missionary – professor; a published and award winning writer, poet and author; an army Chaplain; a dreamer of dreams and a reflective thinker. I enjoy good conversation and I like to ask thought provoking questions like “When was the last time you said: “Wow! I just came alive!”?

Thank you, Paul. I love you with all my heart.